True to Me

By Tommy Leung on 06/10/2010 in Life

I visited my parents a couple of weeks ago. My Dad told me that we were going to have a family dinner for my grandfather in a couple of weeks. It’s his birthday soon. Sure, we do this every year. Most of my Aunts, Uncles, and cousins show up and we hang out. It’s a good time.

But, this time, for some reason, my Dad decided to tell me that I should give my grandfather a gift. Actually, just money. My Dad said it would look good.

Oh? Look good to who?

I didn’t like the idea. It wasn’t about the money. It was the principle. I’m not close to my grandfather. In fact, none of the younger generation are. His reputation is that of the grumpy old man.

He doesn’t talk, he just grumbles and frowns. He yells at the younger kids trying to talk to their mothers when there’s a game of Mahjong going on. Apparently, he considers these kids a disturbance slowing down his game. He’s a real charmer.

He’s old. He gets a pass. No one calls him on it.

He can’t connect with the young. We don’t speak the same language. And the language that we both understand–body language–is always negative. In no society is that a way to build a relationship. But that is the reality.

I give gifts because I care about the person I’m gifting. Whether its a gift for no reason or a gift because of an occasion. I do it because I care. I put energy into it. Giving gifts because you have to is not a gift. It’s actually a lie. It’s telling someone you care when you don’t.

I don’t like to lie.

My Dad either didn’t understand where I was coming from or just didn’t care. He didn’t seem particularly happy afterwards.

But, I will not diminish the value of every gift I’ve ever given so that I can put on a show. By no means will I knowingly compromise my principles to project a specific appearance. A compromise here, a compromise there, and before I know it I’ll be ready to become a politician.

Those who want to judge me are free to. I don’t care. I’m super because of what I do. Not because of what others aren’t doing. I don’t measure myself based on how others are failing. If anything, I want to be awesome when everyone else is awesome. It’s not a victory to kick someone when they’re down.

I have always felt strongly about principles. I don’t pick up money off the floor. I’m not talking about coins. I have come across lost bills on more than one occasion. There was one time where I remember seeing about $60 on the floor. I didn’t pick it up.

Why?

Well, it’s not mine. If I picked it up, the person who did lose it will never be able to come back and find it. Yes, it’s a non-practical way to think. Someone else will walk by and pick it up and the original person who lost it won’t get it anyway. I understand that. But, it also means that I didn’t steal it. At the end of the day, that’s just more important to me than a guilty splurge I can have with $60.

Almost $1000 was accidentally deposited into my bank account recently. I viewed the deposit slip online. The bank teller confused a number and put the money in my account. I saw it at night. I went to the bank the next day to get it corrected. I’m not an angel.

This error would have been corrected regardless of whether I did anything. I understand that. But, I went to the bank at my earliest convenience because whoever deposited that money might have needed it. It also wasn’t mine. The only right thing to do was to get it corrected as soon as possible.

My Mom has this story of me when I was little. I used to go to preschool in Manhattan and she would pick me up after work. She would also have food for me. We would take the train home to Brooklyn. I would only eat it if I was seated. I really don’t know why I wouldn’t if I was standing. From what I can gather from my Mom, it was because I wanted to do it the right way.

That sounds like me. I like to do things for the right reasons.

This is how I’ve been for as long as I’ve been. It’s true to me. And I like it.

By Tommy Leung